Everything I Ever Wanted to Say on Facebook, but Couldn't

Well, maybe not everything, but here's a sampling...

(note: These are all Status Updates, unless marked with a C; C=comment I would make after posting previous SU.)

Warning: Not All of this will be Pretty... and Not All of this will be True!

Robin is dreading going back to work.
C: Teaching?! What was I thinking?!!

Robin hates waking up early.
C: Teaching?! What was I thinking?!!

Robin needs to go to the bathroom.

Robin thinks it's idiotic to tell people every little thing your kid does in your FB status.
C: A la "my little sweetie said the funniest joke today..." and then proceed to repeat it. Not so much.

Robin wants you to unfriend her if you must bash Obama in your FB status.

Robin wishes she could "hide" friends from her FB feed on her iPhone the way she can on her laptop.
C: I really don't want to read what a lot of you have to say!

Robin doesn't understand the whole wishing "Happy Birthday" to your child on FB status update.
C: Are they on FB too? Can they even read?!

Robin is lazy and unmotivated.

Robin is working out like a madwoman!
C: Haven't lost a dang pound due to all the ice-cream and alcohol I've consumed this summer, but I haven't gained either, so it's all good:)

Robin Three days til we leave for our trip... anxiety setting in. I hate packing. I hate packing. I hate packing.

Robin has her period.
C: So say something nice, dammit!

Robin got laid.
C: The other party is obvious, folks...

Robin will try not to put cryptic messages as status updates.

Robin has nothing to eat.
C: Chocolate chips and wine do not a dinner make.

Robin has a fucking headache.

Robin is drinking (again).

Robin loves Dora the Explorer.
C: But not that bastard, Backpack.

Robin wants to be the whitest person at the end of summer.

Robin They don't make an SPF strong enough for me!!

Robin thinks a good tan is a sign of stupidity.
C: Sorry if I've offended anyone. But, seriously, ozone layer, people! Ozone layer.

Robin is going out with her REAL friends for a beer.
C: I don't really drink beer, but I just wanted to see if you were paying attention. Or if you felt bad because you weren't invited...

Robin is bored with Facebook. Doesn't anyone have anything funny to say?!

Robin needs to get off the computer and pay attention to the little people in her midst.

Feel free to add your own in the comments (using your own name, of course!).

I'm On A Boat

Well, I was trying to upload this really cute picture of my and Bonniemot's kids (bad grammar, I know, but I don't care...) and since I sent it from my phone to my Facebook page, I couldn't figure out how to get it bigger than a thumbnail. Anyway, the point of the whole upload is to show the pure glee that our kids are getting from finally being released into the sunshine, the playground, and something that some people call SPRING! We usually just get mud season, but this year, I think we may actually be experiencing this Spring thing, and, I tell ya', it's quite a "boatload" of joy!

Speaking of boat, I was trying to think of a funny post (and that being said, I probably could not...), but I did have one idea. I know I've talked a lot lately about Facebook, both the good and bad of it. And I have to say, I have enjoyed connecting with some people from my past, seeing their beautiful children, and hearing about their vacations and hobbies. I have also enjoyed getting to know some of my local friends a little better this way, and have found it easy to message them to make plans, or constantly make snarky comments about their photos! (And they mine!) But it DID occur to me, as I've thought about the negative side of FB over the last few weeks that can anyone really, truly be herself on Facebook?!

Case in point: everyone is ALWAYS happy on Facebook. Some may say that their poor child has the sniffles, or I even had one friend who announced she lost her job, but most people are ALWAYS happy, going on vacation, deeply in love with their husband and children and taking their loved ones to all these fun places. COME ON!! Or as I would say if I were being myself on Facebook, "Bullfuckingshit!" You people are not always happy, and some of you MUST curse as much or more than me... so why don't I ever get a "fuckin' A!" or a "Holy shit!"? Everyone's so prim and proper, I want to puke up my ativan.

So, getting back to the photo at the top of the page. I ORIGINALLY took it at the playground, after running into Bonniemot's kids with their nanny (Bonniemot works full time from home... don't think she's some rich diva running around having drinks with her richy rich mommy friends). I then texted it to both Bonniemot and Drew with the caption, "We're on a boat! We're on a Motha'Fuckin' boat!" To which I, of course, got a couple of LOLs in return. And maybe even a ;). Anyway, on my way home, I decided I wanted to text it onto my FB page (while stopped at a traffic light, of course!!!). But the second I got home, I kind of panicked... and ran to the computer and changed it to what I taught the kids to say, "We're on a boat. We're on a mamamama boat!" Still cute. Still funny (if you don't know the video reference, I'll add the link at the end), but not me!

Anyway, my brain's still a little jellified from all the fun drugs I've been taking over the past week or so (neck and head are greatly improved BTW:), so I don't have much more to add to this post. But I'm going to concentrate on this. And coming soon will be a post called, "All the Things I Really Want to Say on Facebook, But Probably Shouldn't!"

Happy PassEaster!

A Fleeting Moment

I've had some difficulty swallowing all that is Facebook for the last week or so. Just fed up, I guess. I'm OH SO MUCH MORE enthralled with Twitter. A place I don't have to block anyone (but I do anyway, those Christian pro-life right-wingers, who, for some reason, want to follow me). A place I can just be me.

But then something happened on Facebook that made it all worth it.

My "lil' sis" from cheerleading friended me. Only her info said "male". WTF?!!! Did she have a sex change? Was she a transgender? So, of COURSE I ADDED HER! And looking into her profile further, I discovered that she was living with a woman, and under her interests was "poop". Ok, this is weird.

So I stewed on that for a few hours (no pun intended) and messaged a friend who is also Facebook friends with him/her/whatever. Then I went back and looked at the profile.

Nothing to see here, folks. The woman she was living with? Her. The "male" is the character she is posing as on her Facebook page, either fictional or her pet (I don't want to put it exactly, because I don't want all my reader(s) to Google her.) I figured this out because the female she was "living with" had a photo of her and her dad. And while I might not recognize her after 20 years, her dad looks almost the same, just more grey hair.

So, for a brief instance, Facebook was good again. The excitement of finding out that a girl you once knew was a boy would have made it ALL WORTH IT!!! But no, it's still the same ol', same ol'... Me posting my oh-so-interesting observation about a flock of Canadian geese. Bonnie M.O.T. noticing some red shit over Detroit. People finding out what kind of stripper-mom they are, or what their real age is.

I'm not saying that I'm not going to continue to DO IT, I'm just saying...

Recurring Dreams

So, I've been having a couple of recurring dreams for years now. One much more than the other. In the more recurring of the two, I am in Madrid, Spain. On holiday, not living there (as I REALLY did for three years after university). And it is time to return to the states. So I must get to the airport. Immediately. Only something always happens. Either I've left my passport back at my flat, or I must make a stop at El Corte Ingles to pick up that soap I liked (and some marzipan), or I have to pick up something from a store I can't find and I find myself wandering the narrow, winding cobblestone streets and alleys near the Plaza Mayor. Usually, I have called for the cab too late, or I'm in the cab but it's taking too long to get me to the airport, or I'm wasting time trying to get in one last "copa" before I hit the road. Typical. Nevertheless, I DO make it to the airport and then it's never REALLY the Barajas airport, but slightly more confusing. Often I am left at the wrong door, just as my plane is set to depart, and I have to run through the airport (a la O.J.), navigating various airlines, passport and ticket checks (oh, did I mention that I never have my ticket in these dreams) and practically running onto the runway to catch my flight... whew... back home to America.

In the second dream, I am in Santa Monica, California. I am breaking and entering in the home of my ex-boyfriend. It is an apartment. Not the same one he lived in when we dated, but somehow, after all these years, I know where it is. And even though we haven't spoken in years, I know that he has purposely left the sliding door on his balcony cracked so that I can let myself in. And I do. And I am able to snoop around a bit and get a sense of his life. Why I want to do this, I don't know. But I feel some sort of upper hand, some sort of advantage over his current wife or girlfriend. That I know she exists, but she doesn't know I exist. Nothing much else happens in these dreams. I usually just leave after a bit and go do something else. Return to my life. Wake up. Something.

Present day. Reality. Not a dream. Said ex-boyfriend messages me on Facebook. Doesn't friend me. Just messages me. My response is, "Why are you looking for me?" (I know he's married with a kid, thank you very much Google, but I still have no idea why, the minute I put my maiden name on my Facebook, he of 300 friends needs to message me.) His response is, of course, just curious, and how are you and yada yada yada. I messaged back to say that it was ironic that he wrote me on the very day we left L.A. And he messaged back again, "Married? Kids?" To which, I did not respond. At this point, I'm pretty sure, once you message someone on Facebook, you allow them to see the basics of your profile. So he must have peeked, right? He knew I was married and probably saw my profile picture, too.

A week or so goes by and now he requests to ADD ME AS A FRIEND on FACEBOOK. Oh, joy. So, I figure, I'll add him, but I'm BLOCKING him from almost everything on there. No need to get back in touch, but I don't want to be the bitter ex-girlfriend either (and lord knows I should, I got treated badly enough...).

So that night I had one of my recurring dreams. The Spain one. But this time, there's a twist. And I promise you that I am not even clever enough to make this up. I really dreamt it. HE is with me in Spain, and we have to travel back together. We are a couple and we might even be travelling with his family. (His mother was evil personified, btw.) So all the usual travel nightmares ensue, and I wake up more confused than ever.

A couple of days go by.

Ex-boyfriend now messages me on Facebook to say that "he was thinking of me the other day, and he wanted to apologize for how he treated me when we were dating (not that it matters now), and he was so happy to see my beautiful daughters and was my life fulfilling and wasn't Facebook a trip, XOXO... " I kid you not. I couldn't have made that up either. Shit. This blog post was practically writing itself! (Incidentally, he also put an apology letter on my car, oh, about ten years ago. I got it. I read it. But I never contacted him about it. So this was a little deja vu-ish.)

Well reflecting over all of this (and stewing over it a bit too, I might add), made me have an ever-so-tiny epiphany. I think I know what it all means! (You, my brilliant reader, may have known this already, but I am a bit slow, so this revelation is new to ME, anyway...) I think it means that, if I had it to do over again, I wouldn't delay my departure. Both from Spain and from that SoCal relationship. I stayed in Madrid too long. I made a HUGE mistake at the end, and if I had left earlier, or not made so many damn side trips on the way to the airport, I would have made a cleaner break from Spain and the whole experience. Same with SoCal. I was in and out of that relationship so many times it would have made your head spin. Because I was determined to make something out of nothing. And in both scenarios, I had little self-confidence. I wasn't as sure of myself as I am now. I let a lot of people get the better of me. But worst of all, I didn't give myself any credit. I was never the prize. Or so I let myself believe.

But there's one more revelation that came out of all that. As I contemplated what to say back (if anything, as of this moment I have stayed silent), I realized something pretty valuable. One of my friends recently asked me, upon my relaying the "ex-boyfriend is messaging me on Facebook" part of the story (the friending hadn't happened yet), if he was "the one who got away". To which, of course, I replied "no!" I've always felt like my husband, Drew, was the one I was meant to be with (in Jewish, we say "Beshert") and I look back on the ex-boyfriend with more bitterness. Maybe because I let him be an asshole to me for so much longer than I should have. But he was definitely NOT "the one who got away."

But it occurred to me. There's a damn good possibility that I'm his "one who got away"... And that? Is an ending I can live with.

WTF?!

Apparently I have flagged my own blog as having objectionable content. And I don't know how to unflag it. So I have to ask my reader(s), are you seeing some f**d up garbelty-gook at the top of the page too?

I am adding a new blog to the blogroll. I follow her on Twitter, but now I read her blog too. Barefoot Foodie... she is too funny! And expecting a baby girl next month (which she will be posting the birth on YouTube). Despite my new found love for Facebook, I am getting back into Twitter too, because there is some funny shit out there, and I have OH SO MUCH TIME on my hands...

Five Days To Go

Shit! I forgot to do "Six Days". I was in the bath last night, after having a nice glass (or two) of wine, mentally composing my blog post. And then I got out, got distracted, turned off the computer (OF ALL THINGS!), so I never wrote it. Oh, well... See, that is just another fine example of what happens as you turn 40. Mental defectiveness sets in.

So, yesterday, before the brain freeze, I looked for, found and read an old journal of mine. You know what a journal is, don't you? It's the kind of thing one wrote before computers were "all the rage". I looked for the journal, because I couldn't remember any full names (first and last) of people I met in Madrid when I lived there. I thought it would be fun to look them up on Facebook, so I dragged out and read the journal (skimmed it, really).

Let's just say, after reading that journal, that there is A REASON WHY I HAVE FORGOTTEN ALL THOSE PEOPLE! HOW EMBARRASSING (FOR ME)! I really must burn this journal for fear that my husband or children might one day read it and find out (choose one):
a) I exhibited some slutty behaviour back then.
b) I was a wee bit desperate
c) I may have had a weight problem (over, not under)
d) I drank and smoked too too much
e) All of the above
Damn, WHO WAS I?! I was more sure of myself in High School than I was in college and the aftermath (3 years in Madrid). That?! Is some crazy shit. Really.

Well, now at 40, I can see that I still have some weaknesses, but they are not as problematic for me as my past weaknesses were.
a) If I want to be slutty, that's ok, as long as it's with Drew.
b) I am no longer desperate, but I tend to dissolve a friendship quickly, if I think there is an unequal interest in maintaining said friendship. I wish I knew the saying, "He's just not that into you." back then. I could have used it!
c) Now, I'm happy with my body, but I always want to lose a few pounds (especially after eating a lot of sweets for an extended period of time).
d) I don't smoke anything any more, and haven't in a long time. Not sure my lungs could handle it at this point anyway. I DO drink a little more than I probably should, but who doesn't?!
e) All of the above and DAMN PROUD!

Nine Days To Go

With nine days to go (more or less), I have succumbed to the ultimate peer pressure. I joined Facebook. Or Crackbook as Coalminer's Granddaughter calls it. I was really determined not to join, but I guess given the right amount of alcohol, I can be persuaded to do just about anything. So, damn if I just didn't get excited about starting the new blog and now I have something distracting me from that...

ANYHOO, I have no words of wisdom to impart today (no weird body issues either), but I would just like to say that I have some cute fuckin' kids... and it's high time I shared them with my loyal reader(s).
Yeah, they're wicked cute, funny and smart. But what else would I say, being their mother?! Seriously, although I've been a mom for three plus years now, I sometimes still look at them and am amazed that they're my daughters. Amazing...

The Diva is excited about my upcoming birthday, because she is pretty sure there will be cake or some other sort of treat. Lil' Rascal has no clue about these things yet, but will gladly partake in any sugary offering no matter what the occasion.

Admit it, you're smitten...