Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Everything I Ever Wanted to Say on Facebook, but Couldn't

Well, maybe not everything, but here's a sampling...

(note: These are all Status Updates, unless marked with a C; C=comment I would make after posting previous SU.)

Warning: Not All of this will be Pretty... and Not All of this will be True!

Robin is dreading going back to work.
C: Teaching?! What was I thinking?!!

Robin hates waking up early.
C: Teaching?! What was I thinking?!!

Robin needs to go to the bathroom.

Robin thinks it's idiotic to tell people every little thing your kid does in your FB status.
C: A la "my little sweetie said the funniest joke today..." and then proceed to repeat it. Not so much.

Robin wants you to unfriend her if you must bash Obama in your FB status.

Robin wishes she could "hide" friends from her FB feed on her iPhone the way she can on her laptop.
C: I really don't want to read what a lot of you have to say!

Robin doesn't understand the whole wishing "Happy Birthday" to your child on FB status update.
C: Are they on FB too? Can they even read?!

Robin is lazy and unmotivated.

Robin is working out like a madwoman!
C: Haven't lost a dang pound due to all the ice-cream and alcohol I've consumed this summer, but I haven't gained either, so it's all good:)

Robin Three days til we leave for our trip... anxiety setting in. I hate packing. I hate packing. I hate packing.

Robin has her period.
C: So say something nice, dammit!

Robin got laid.
C: The other party is obvious, folks...

Robin will try not to put cryptic messages as status updates.

Robin has nothing to eat.
C: Chocolate chips and wine do not a dinner make.

Robin has a fucking headache.

Robin is drinking (again).

Robin loves Dora the Explorer.
C: But not that bastard, Backpack.

Robin wants to be the whitest person at the end of summer.

Robin They don't make an SPF strong enough for me!!

Robin thinks a good tan is a sign of stupidity.
C: Sorry if I've offended anyone. But, seriously, ozone layer, people! Ozone layer.

Robin is going out with her REAL friends for a beer.
C: I don't really drink beer, but I just wanted to see if you were paying attention. Or if you felt bad because you weren't invited...

Robin is bored with Facebook. Doesn't anyone have anything funny to say?!

Robin needs to get off the computer and pay attention to the little people in her midst.

Feel free to add your own in the comments (using your own name, of course!).

Sunday, June 28, 2009

He's Out of My Life

"And I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I don't know whether to live or die. And it cuts like a knife." He's out of my life...

Well, that's a little dramatic, but still. Michael Jackson played a huge part in my tween and teenage years. I loved his music. I loved him. I tried to do all his dance moves and knew the words to all the songs. There were posters of him (and his brothers) on my bedroom walls. At 15 I camped out for tickets to the Victory Tour concert and got third row center seats in Atlanta Fulton County stadium (no small feat). During Billie Jean, when he threw the hat, I caught it! Then some adult male grabbed it away from me and I couldn't get it back. And, yes, I cried.

So his death DOES feel like a loss. Despite what has happened to him and his actions of the past 15 or so years, there is no disputing that he was a musical genius. There is no disputing that his music moved us all in one way or another. And there is no disputing that, unless you are musically retarded, his popular songs will evoke memories. Perhaps they won't be specific memories, but the music will bring you back to a time... hopefully a happy time. "We Are the World" meant so much to me, back in the day. As did "Thriller" when it debuted on MTV. I remember waiting for it, jumping up and down in anticipation. And some of my girlfriends and I choreographed our school dance class performance to "Beat It". There was no other artist's music we would have chosen. It had to be Michael.

Not only am I sad for the loss of MJ though. I am sad that a part of my life that was so happy is so over. I'm barely in touch with people from this time in my life, and (I think this has been obvious in my previous posts) my family doesn't seem to get me or know me at all. I know it's just the natural order of things (not the family part, but the moving on part), and I love the friends I have made as an adult. But sometimes I wish I had done a better job of keeping in touch over the years. (Even Facebook can't really help you pick up where you left off.) And then I'd tell my old friends from this happy time what I wish someone would have told me on Thursday, "I'm so sorry for your loss."

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Why Do All My Good Posts Have to End with WTF?!

This fall I go back to work. I am a teacher. I can't really complain. I get summers and holidays off. I don't have to work in an office from 8 to 5 with only a few weeks of vacation per year. This is a good career for a mom.

There are a few problems, however, and this post has been years in the making. I knew that I wouldn't be able to be a stay at home mom forever. Well, if we had kept the lesser house, or moved into a lesser neighborhood, then I might have had a longer run. But as it stands, I've been on a leave of absence for about two and a half years, and I had another year of leave of absence when I had the Diva (the 05-06 school year). I had the opportunity to make something else happen, and I tried to do the tutoring thing, I dabbled with the pre-school Spanish classes idea, I searched endlessly on job sites, Craigslist and even interviewed for several different positions. I did get a job during this time, and I have been working, tutoring the Korean family in English, as you may or may not know. But sadly, this job only gives me a finite number of hours, and I don't make enough to stay home and just do this. My biggest obstacle is Drew, who, in his infinite wisdom, actually makes sense of our finances and knows that we just keep sinking deeper into debt - there's no place for me to go but back to work. Or do something that brings in the piddly 40K I make every year.

So, as you can imagine, I have a constant stream of what ifs running through my head. What if we had stayed at the old house? What if I had just worked a little harder on getting a part-time gig? What if I ran a business out of my home like so many other moms? What if I posted it on Twitter or Facebook and told everyone I knew that I just need to make x amount of money... isn't there some secretarial work I can do for them from my home?! But I feel like the opportunity has passed, my fate is sealed, and my children will be away from me for much longer than I would like. I'm too ashamed that I didn't make it happen. But I do know why it didn't happen.

Contrary to what you might think, I am not a super motivated person. I am not what you would call a go-getter, although when I jetted off to Spain and started my own tutoring business in my 20s, you would think that that was my middle name! I come by this lack of drive honestly. I don't think I was encouraged to follow dreams, and I certainly didn't have much in the way of vocational counseling. I knew my parents didn't have a lot of money at an early age, and there were always job issues with one of my parents (I won't name names). Teacher became the obvious career choice for a Spanish major, and I haven't had it in me to deviate from this course. I know that it's not too late for me to change career paths, but being that I've been home for two plus years and haven't figured it out or made it happen, I often wonder if I ever will.

I only cry sometimes, and the rest of the time I suck it up and face the music. Or look for a new job. But the reality of it is I love my daughters. I love them so much, I just want to spend a little more time with them. I think two is too early to go off to "school" every day, and the Diva has another full year until K, so I should get to spend some more time with her before she goes. I keep my spirits up by telling myself that the school will be good for them. They'll meet friends, have great teachers and constant planned activities to learn new things. It'll be fun! Besides, being a SAHM is hard! I'm not always happy when I'm doing it, and I often get annoyed with the girls. So it'll be good for me too. I tell myself this. It helps.

Then on Father's Day, I had a conversation with my father. Who said, and I quote, "You're going back to work full time. Aww. That's too bad. They're still so young. I hope the Li'l Rascal doesn't resent you. You resented your mother when she went back to work and you were four. She's only two."

I have no words.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Help! I've Shredded and I Can't Get Up!

I just started Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred. I consider myself in shape. Just need to shed a few unwanted pounds. But I work out five times a week, on the average. CLEARLY I am not doing enough. Or am old sack of potatoes. Because half way in, (a 25 minute workout, more or less) I was FEELING THE PAIN. Pain, I tell you. It was my body screaming, "YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO MOVE TOMORROW IF YOU CONTINUE!" But I did. And I'm sore. And Drew has a sprained ankle. Not from the Shred. Can someone please come over and scrape us off the floor and watch our kids? More soon. (If I can lift my arms to type, that is.)

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Screwed Up Again or Why I Can Never Have a Profile

I set my students up with blogs (they're Middle School students) and I have been EXTREMELY careful to leave comments as "Robin" under Name/URL, leaving out the URL. Until now. So I left two comments on one of their blogs just now, accidentally signed in as "Robin", but this time it was linked to THIS BLOG. So I had to shut down my profile. And I can't EVER put it back. Genius move, I know. I hope I don't have to move the blog altogether, but who knows?! Maybe it's just a sign that it's time to move on...

Friday, May 29, 2009

My Family is Crazier than Your Family

I know. I know. It's been a LONG time. And it's not that I've had nothing to say. I'm just coming to the end of my reign of unemployment, and I've been trying to maximize the time I've got left. I'm going to miss it. I'm going to miss THEM. Being a SAHM isn't always a picnic, but I've had a GOOD run, and I wish I could be with them longer, especially the Lil' Rascal, because she's only going to be two. Just a couple more years would be perfect.

But this post isn't about that. And believe me, I have enough job issues and Mommy Guilt for many a post to come. No, this post is for exactly what I said I wouldn't do. I mean, I shut down a whole blog because of all the venom I was spewing. But sometimes, just sometimes, a family trip can bring stuff up (and I don't mean the vomit in my mouth!).

So, the following is a list of hours of therapy it will take to repair the damage done by some of my family:

Mom's incessant need to answer both her cell and home phone, no matter what activity she's in the middle of doing? Half an hour

Tolerating her husband's sporadic outbursts of stupidity and/or verbal abuse? Three hours

Having to listen to my SIL's verbal diarrhea, which includes, but is not limited to: overuse of the word "wonderful", overpraising her children, AND telling her children they excel at whatever my girls were being praised for (us: good job eating your dinner, Diva. Her: "Oh, honey you're such a wonderful eater, too. Everything you do is so wonderful..." Seriously?!!)? Five hours

Watching my father virtually ignore the most precious creatures to ever enter into his life in order to (again, this list includes, but is not limited to...) look at Susan Boyle on YouTube, talk to his local family members who he sees all the time, show people his latest paintings (I get it, but still...), and OBVIOUSLY, take pictures of these precious commodities instead of interacting with them? Six hours

Hearing that my brother got upset with my father because he donates money to the foundation honoring his dead wife, saying that he should instead give the money to his children's college funds, because said dead wife abused him?!!


Sunday, April 12, 2009

I'm On A Boat

Well, I was trying to upload this really cute picture of my and Bonniemot's kids (bad grammar, I know, but I don't care...) and since I sent it from my phone to my Facebook page, I couldn't figure out how to get it bigger than a thumbnail. Anyway, the point of the whole upload is to show the pure glee that our kids are getting from finally being released into the sunshine, the playground, and something that some people call SPRING! We usually just get mud season, but this year, I think we may actually be experiencing this Spring thing, and, I tell ya', it's quite a "boatload" of joy!

Speaking of boat, I was trying to think of a funny post (and that being said, I probably could not...), but I did have one idea. I know I've talked a lot lately about Facebook, both the good and bad of it. And I have to say, I have enjoyed connecting with some people from my past, seeing their beautiful children, and hearing about their vacations and hobbies. I have also enjoyed getting to know some of my local friends a little better this way, and have found it easy to message them to make plans, or constantly make snarky comments about their photos! (And they mine!) But it DID occur to me, as I've thought about the negative side of FB over the last few weeks that can anyone really, truly be herself on Facebook?!

Case in point: everyone is ALWAYS happy on Facebook. Some may say that their poor child has the sniffles, or I even had one friend who announced she lost her job, but most people are ALWAYS happy, going on vacation, deeply in love with their husband and children and taking their loved ones to all these fun places. COME ON!! Or as I would say if I were being myself on Facebook, "Bullfuckingshit!" You people are not always happy, and some of you MUST curse as much or more than me... so why don't I ever get a "fuckin' A!" or a "Holy shit!"? Everyone's so prim and proper, I want to puke up my ativan.

So, getting back to the photo at the top of the page. I ORIGINALLY took it at the playground, after running into Bonniemot's kids with their nanny (Bonniemot works full time from home... don't think she's some rich diva running around having drinks with her richy rich mommy friends). I then texted it to both Bonniemot and Drew with the caption, "We're on a boat! We're on a Motha'Fuckin' boat!" To which I, of course, got a couple of LOLs in return. And maybe even a ;). Anyway, on my way home, I decided I wanted to text it onto my FB page (while stopped at a traffic light, of course!!!). But the second I got home, I kind of panicked... and ran to the computer and changed it to what I taught the kids to say, "We're on a boat. We're on a mamamama boat!" Still cute. Still funny (if you don't know the video reference, I'll add the link at the end), but not me!

Anyway, my brain's still a little jellified from all the fun drugs I've been taking over the past week or so (neck and head are greatly improved BTW:), so I don't have much more to add to this post. But I'm going to concentrate on this. And coming soon will be a post called, "All the Things I Really Want to Say on Facebook, But Probably Shouldn't!"

Happy PassEaster!