"And I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I don't know whether to live or die. And it cuts like a knife." He's out of my life...
Well, that's a little dramatic, but still. Michael Jackson played a huge part in my tween and teenage years. I loved his music. I loved him. I tried to do all his dance moves and knew the words to all the songs. There were posters of him (and his brothers) on my bedroom walls. At 15 I camped out for tickets to the Victory Tour concert and got third row center seats in Atlanta Fulton County stadium (no small feat). During Billie Jean, when he threw the hat, I caught it! Then some adult male grabbed it away from me and I couldn't get it back. And, yes, I cried.
So his death DOES feel like a loss. Despite what has happened to him and his actions of the past 15 or so years, there is no disputing that he was a musical genius. There is no disputing that his music moved us all in one way or another. And there is no disputing that, unless you are musically retarded, his popular songs will evoke memories. Perhaps they won't be specific memories, but the music will bring you back to a time... hopefully a happy time. "We Are the World" meant so much to me, back in the day. As did "Thriller" when it debuted on MTV. I remember waiting for it, jumping up and down in anticipation. And some of my girlfriends and I choreographed our school dance class performance to "Beat It". There was no other artist's music we would have chosen. It had to be Michael.
Not only am I sad for the loss of MJ though. I am sad that a part of my life that was so happy is so over. I'm barely in touch with people from this time in my life, and (I think this has been obvious in my previous posts) my family doesn't seem to get me or know me at all. I know it's just the natural order of things (not the family part, but the moving on part), and I love the friends I have made as an adult. But sometimes I wish I had done a better job of keeping in touch over the years. (Even Facebook can't really help you pick up where you left off.) And then I'd tell my old friends from this happy time what I wish someone would have told me on Thursday, "I'm so sorry for your loss."